Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
