hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
