HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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