i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
