I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
