Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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