I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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