Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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