Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
