If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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