i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wear drunk well.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
