I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
