i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
