The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I deserve this hangover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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