No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
