put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
