It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
