she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
