Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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