DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
