If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
