And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
