dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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