I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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