So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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