the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
