Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
