if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
