My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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