Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
