oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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