I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
