ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
