the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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