Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize