Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
