you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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