I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
