i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
