I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
