Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
