So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize