I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
