Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
