If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
