Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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