This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
