Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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