if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
