I hate all girls vehemently.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
