Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
