to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
