the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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