Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He felt like a one man threesome
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
