You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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