I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
