Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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