I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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