I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
