you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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