Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
