Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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