its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
