Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
