all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
