If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize