she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
