Non-Jews are for practice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
