she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
