You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
